break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
