My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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