I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
