Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
