Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
