I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
