whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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