You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
