my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
