Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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