How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
