She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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