He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
cat food counts as protein by the way
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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