You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
