I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
