My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
