I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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