Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she looked like the before picture.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
