Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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