God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
