I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
