I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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