Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
