I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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