this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
