talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
