I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
