I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
