similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
