i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
