Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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