After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
