at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
