Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
