There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
