I faked an abortion last night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
