when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
