hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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