I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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