glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
