i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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