Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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