i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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