Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
