Just fell off a train. Bad.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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