I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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