You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
