never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
