dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
