I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
