4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
