Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
