take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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