He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
