I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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