I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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