You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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